Dear Arriela.

I said I would write you letters and save them so you could read them when I see you again.

Instead of putting these on paper, I am putting them here so you may see them sooner. Of course, right now, thing are still surreal and I still wonder how much of this you truly understand.

What is done is done. For now. So here is what needs to be said. Again, and again. I told you, but in case things get fuzzy or there is someone telling you otherwise, here is the deal: NO MATTER WHAT anyone tells you – we ALL wanted to still have you be a part of our lives.

There were a lot of tears – some of us cried until we had no more tears. And what is even more heartbreaking to me is that on one hand you said you understood that this was it, but on the other hand you were still making plans.

I get it – as a 10-year-old, almost 11-year-old, things are still complex, and as smart and intuitive as you are, these are things that even some adults do not understand.

Some of what I enjoyed doing with you:

• The games from poker to Scattergories and Clue and even the quick games of War.
• The cookies – Christmas was our tradition, but we did the Halloween ones this year because we won’t be together for Christmas, and the Easter ones (those were cupcakes too).
• The crafts – like the splatter-room and Pinspirations

From years past:

• The pumpkin patch
• Decorating the tree
• Finding easter eggs over and over

We did so much with you in your first 10 years, and I hope we can do more.

I got a new plant this past week that I will try to keep alive. I am not good at that, but I did say I would try.

I needed to get this started so you can see it one day.

I love you and still don’t fully understand that we will not be seeing you for Thanksgiving and Christmas and those times in-between. I miss you and cannot wait to see you again.

Love, Nana Shelley